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Medical Sex Facts


22. Sexual survival depends on knowing the difference between a birthmark and a rash.

21. Maintenance tip for massages: change the oil every 10,000 strokes.

20. The length of an orgasm is usually anywhere from three to elevenseconds or four to seven feet.

19. Sex on an inclined surface (an anthill, for example) builds endurance.

18. Thirty percent of our body heat escapes through the head (wear ahat during sex).

17. Good sex can correct poor posture, or at least make it stand upstraight.

16. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and indemand.

15. You know I've had too little sex when my partner begins to flash before my eyes.

14. You know that you've had too much sex when your life begins to flash before your eyes.

13. It's perfectly okay to have sex on an empty stomach, especiallyif it belongs to your partner.

12. Too much arousal can bring on a hard-attack.

11. Men who experience difficulty with insertion should see a guidance counselor.

10. "Where am I?" should not be considered an abnormal response to immense orgasm.

9. After 16 steady hours of sex, it is wise to check your insurancepolicy.

8. Oral sex is a great way to firm the lower face of you and your partner.

7. A single ejaculation, especially from a man, contains enough sperm cells to fertilize every woman in your town.

6. Better coordination prevents confusion during intricate manipulations, permitting you to talk and perform at the same time.

5. Improved breath control increases oxygen supply throughout entire body, prevents asphyxiation during mighty kisses, trims and tones pelvis, promotes a stronger upper body enabling you to hold on tight and keep partner from damaging furniture during moments

4. Eat and drink sensibly. The combination of alcohol and sex, especially after long abstinence, can cause spontaneous fizzle.

3. The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.

2. Sex makes you alert and ready to face the world ... it's an ideal substitute for a hot breakfast.

1. It takes 116 muscles to climax, but only 17 to smile. (But who cares?)

50 REASONS TO BE GLAD YOU'RE A MAN


1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.

3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

4. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

5. You can open all of your own jars.

6. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

7. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview

8. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.

9. You can kill your own food.

10. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

11. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic and think that everyone secretly hates you.

12. Your last name stays put.

13. You never have to clean the toilet.

14. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes

15. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

16. Your underwear costs $10 for a 5 pack.

17. You don't have to shave below your neck.

18. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.

19. You can write your name in the snow.

20. Everything on your face stays it's original color.

21. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

22. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

23. Nobody stops telling a dirty joke when you walk into the room.

24. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

25. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking "He must be made at me".

26. Hot wax never comes near your public area.

27. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

28. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

29. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what your wearing.

30. Same work......more pay

31. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

32. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotchadjustment.

33. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tux rental - $100.

34. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries (at least in theory that is).

35. If you retain water, it's in a canteen

36. The remote is your's and your's alone.

37. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

38. You can drop by and see a friend without bringing a little gift.

39. Bachelor parties are more fun than bridal showers.

40. You can buy condoms without the store clerk imagining you naked.

41. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won'ttell your friends you've changed.

42. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, youmight become lifelong friends.

43. The occasional well-rounded belch is practically expected.

44. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with ahammer and throw it across the room.

45. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.

46. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniver-saries, not even your own.

47. Your buddies can be trusted never to trap you with: "So....notice anything different?"

48. Baywatch

49. There is always a game on somewhere.

50. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F**kIt".

Things You Should Do Before Turning Thirty


* Try smoking parsley.

* Get over your first love.

* Make prank calls or order pizza for a neighbor.

* Shoot a bb-gun at something other than a target.

* Spend a night in the drunk tank.

* Get a job that doesn't require a name tag and a paper hat.

* Lie to the police ("really officer, we're not being loud").

* Go 48 hours without sleep.

* Get a job with salary and benefits.

* Buy condoms and insist on a price check.

* Know how to make at least three different meals.

* Stop using flags as curtains.

* Finish high school.

* Wear a pair of underwear your mom didn't buy you.

* Puke in a bar.

* Have a Star Wars, Godfather or Rocky movie marathon.

* Skinny dip.

* Get your face on a local TV station.

* Master a video game.

* Own a nice suit to be worn at something other than a wedding,funeral or church.

* Vacation in Mexico.

* Sing karaoke.

* Have a one-night stand.

* Get in a bar fight.

* Buy an item of furniture worth more than $300.

* Get fired.

* Go on a blind date.

* Order something off the TV between 3 and 8 a.m.

* Have sex in the back seat of a car

* Lose at least $200 in a bet.

* Get a credit card.

* Make out with someone in a bar.

* Change your hairstyle at least once.

TYPES OF GUYS YOU MIGHT SEE IN THE MENS RESTROOM


RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

CONCEITED: Holds two-inch pecker like a baseball bat.

**DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.

LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.

FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

TOUGH: Bangs pecker on side of urinal to dry it.

DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads withfree hand.

SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.

CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses onfloor.

INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.

TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

CROSS-EYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

SOCIABLE: Joins friends in a piss whether he has to or not.

EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

WARNING:to more sensitive visitors: Content within this page may contains explicit language, sexual themes, blasphemy, mockery, death, tragedy, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, and heavy drug usage. OK? Good so now you know.

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Super Mario Brothers Areasted

Celebs causing a ruckus includes Super Mario Brothers, who were arrested in Los Angeles on assault charges. they were charged with simple assault after allegedly punching out Donkey Kong in the Cabaret strip club in the early hours of the morning. Hey, at least it was somewhere classy!

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April 20

HELP WANTED

MUST BE A TEAM PLAYER

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March 08

JB's Hunky Male Escorts

Hey Ladies, for you I have found some of the sexiest beasts around and for the right price the whole package could be yours. So your saying to yourself whats so good about the whole package well I almost guarentee they come fully loaded for your most desires, wants, and needs. Still Not Convinced well how about this for every stud ordered the second one is half price. Still not convinced well for a limited time you will also receive a bottle BABYDUCK champaign absolutely free with every order, yes I said free so place your oder now while quality quanaties last. So Call 1-800-PIMP-DAT and place your order today.

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February 02

NOW THATS KOOL

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Now A Message From Our Sponsers

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August 25

Bert Scandel

Recently on the Jerry Springer Show Bert from Sesame Street appears in a harassment scandal, Apparently Bert has been stalking 2 strippers from a Strip club which he frequently goes to. The obsessed Bert stated that he was being led on and that he wasn’t a hasbin, and that he still is a super star.

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August 11

Toy Story 3

The other day I had a chance to visit the set of of the new Toy Story movie (Toy Story 3). In this Chapter of the Toy Story all of the origal cast appears along with some new friends. One of the newest friends not quite confirmed yet is a tall slender pink guy known as MomsNewToy as seen Below.

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August 10

Johnny Tries To Go Straight

Last year I had a chance to interview the infamous Bad Little Johnny who everyone knows from butts of so many famous jokes( If you don't know little Johnny CLICK HERE). Johnny had decided to be good boy for whole year thats right he's was going straight, and when I asked him why he told me he was tired of the low end crap Santa was bringing him year after year. Well early this year I received a copy of a letter from a source written by Johnny to Old Saint Nick himself and it read.